Dear Diary – No.2

December 25, 2022

“So this is Christmas!
And what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun.
War is over, if you want it…”

So this is Christmas, and what have I done?

Well, first thing this morning I woke from sleep with words of thanks flowing from my mouth. I didn’t plan it that way but what a refreshing way to wake up! I haven’t done that in years! But there’s something about today…Christmas day, that naturally drew the gratitude out from my heart.

Admittedly, it helped that the first thing I saw was an image of Christ. I have a large framed picture of Jesus (or as I like to call him, Yeshua) placed high upon a book shelf in my bedroom. A funny thing about that particular picture is that my cousin once told me that it “creeps her out!” Lol! I might have said the same thing 30 years ago before I had my own personal experience with the energy of Christ, so it didn’t offend me.

But another thing about this particular picture is that it has been in my family for generations and that’s part of why it is so meaningful to me. When my grandmother passed away in 2016, I was told that I could take anything I wanted from her home; I already knew what I wanted. I rushed into her bedroom hoping that the picture hanging over her bed, ever since I could remember, was still there. It was. I reverently lifted it from its long time hanging spot and quietly took it home.

After hanging it above my own bed I sat and stared, wondering what it meant to the line of women whose many night time vigil’s the same picture held for them? My grandmother had told me that her mother, my great grandmother, had it hanging over her bed for as long as she could remember as well. That always intrigued me.

Studying it in detail for the first time, I wondered if they sat and stared at it too? Undoubtedly! So how many times? Why? What secrets did this picture hold? What woes, what joys, what wishes and regrets did they reveal to it? What pains did it witness? What prayers were infused into it?Appearing naturally worn, even the frame seemed to hold meaning. It looked to be hand carved. I wondered how old it was and if the hands that carved it knew what image it would hold? “ A carpenter. Full circle…they say you were a carpenter too,” I giggled at the illumined One staring back at me.

So this is Christmas and today I wonder if my grandmothers were ever inspired by this picture to wake with words of praise upon their lips, like I was today? And today my heart fills with gratitude when I think back, because it wasn’t always this way. In fact, for a long period of Christmas seasons during my twenties, it was the exact opposite! My family didn’t even expect to see me most times or if I did briefly show up it was only with the heavy energy of obligation, and I didn’t attempt to fake it.

One year, sitting alone in the corner with tears in my eyes the entire time, my brother – being the only one with the courage to – asked me what was wrong. That’s all it took to trigger the teetering tears to spill freely down my face as I answered, “I don’t feel like I have the right to be happy when so many people in the world are so sad and alone right now. I can feel the sadness of the world and I don’t know how to block it out!” I knew it sounded crazy and that many of my family members already thought I was crazy. But the fact that only one person in my family even cared to ask me what was wrong, was proof of what I perceived as the sad state of humanity. And even he didn’t know what to do…my brother only put a hand on my shoulder and gave a slight squeeze of consolation before walking away.

So today when I look at this picture I ask myself: what’s the difference between then and now? What’s the difference in today’s world and the current state of humanity? The answer is: I Am. I am different! My perception of life is different. The world hasn’t changed since then but the way I see it, has. I guess you can say I have “new eyes.” And yes, following the guidance of the One in the picture is the reason for all the newness.

First, He said to ‘ask.’ Okay, that was simple enough. But I had to want to ask. Because what I recognize now is that I wasn’t ready to give up my “old” eyes. They were still valuable to me. They were still validating my perception of the world. They were still proving me right. Because in my case, I used my eyes to bear witness to a world of gloom and doom, only! And I did that in order to maintain my own blanket of fear…the one that I kept draped over myself in order to hide. Yes, I was hiding my light from the world. “The world doesn’t deserve my light! Just look at it!” I justified.

Well, that was definitely one way of looking at it. The world had to deserve my light. But thank God that Christ or Buddha or Mother Teresa or White Buffalo Calf Woman or any of the many other Christed beings who walked the Earth didn’t hold that same belief! Thank God that they had – and still have – the eyes to see through the destructive actions of humanity, and then beyond that to the fear that causes those actions, and ultimately to see the love that dispels it. Guess that’s why they’re Masters, right?

So yes, when I asked, the answer I received was that I don’t have to change the world nor insist that the world change before being willing to shine my light upon it. And that’s the irony…that shining my light freely is exactly what the world needs most!

“What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

Without those new eyes, I couldn’t see this simple truth beyond my own fear. And that’s okay. There were things to learn in the darkness of my own fear. But mostly it has made me appreciate my new eyes! Because I can see clearly now that this is the true meaning of the Second Coming of Christ.

So this is Christmas and what I have done is to allow the resurrection of the Christ in my own heart. And this seed of resurrection exists in every heart. Imagine that!

May all those who are called to receive their gift of new eyes have the courage to open their hearts this day and receive this gift. Then war will truly be over, in our own hearts! And that changes everything!

Until next time, I am grateful for it all.
Peace.

ReV