I Will Remember You

Many years back while walking the main shopping strip of a big city downtown area I saw something that shattered my heart into a million pieces. It was so graphic and sad that it actually turned my stomach. Amid the throngs of people crowding the popular avenue there was a lone young woman – maybe 35-40 years old – sitting on the sidewalk just outside the doors of a McDonald’s. She looked to be homeless and quite frankly, strung out, as if she were either on drugs or helplessly drunk. More like slouching, she was barely able to keep her eyes open and her body propped upright as people continued to pass her by. I was on the other side of the street.

Downtown, this was unfortunately not too uncommon a scene but there was something about it that caused me to stop in my tracks; I could not look away. I made my way to one of the benches at the center island that set between the two bustling street-ways where mall buses traveled back and forth every few minutes. I sat and watched, feeling nervous and helpless wondering what, if anything, I could do for her. How could I possibly help someone who seemed to be so far gone, so out of it that she probably wouldn’t even be able to accept my help unless I was able to literally lift her off the ground and take her somewhere safe?

She looked to be much heavier than me and her dirty-blonde hair was pulled into a messy pony-tail. She had on no shoes and only wore a stained off-white summer dress. What I saw next is what threw me over the edge. As she clumsily adjusted her body, her legs fell open to reveal that she had nothing on under her flimsy dress and unaware, she now sat helplessly exposed!

Does anyone recall having an old-school Baby-Alive doll when they were a little girl? Or if you’re a male, can you recall your sister’s doll? The Baby-Alive doll was anatomically correct with a perfectly round, open hole between its plastic legs where actual water came out to mimic the need to change its wet diaper after you bottle-fed the plastic infant. Pretty neat as a kid but heart breaking to see an actual human being in the same exaggerated physical condition, helplessly exposed and out in public.

“Oh my god!” the shock caused my body to jolt up with the urge to run across the street and cover the lower half of her body. I shot from my seat and was nearly mowed down by a mall buss as it honked to keep me from darting out in front of it. And when the buss finally passed, I saw that some man had already reached her first and was trying to help her sit up and close her legs.

“I can buy her some underwear!” I thought, looking down the block at the Walgreens sign. I ran over to the store and made the purchase but when I got back to the sorrowful scene, she and the man were already gone. I panicked! “What if he means to abuse her, to take advantage of her the way her physical female deformation revealed she had already been?!” I felt sick as I scoured the streets for any sign of them. I never did find her.

That night I couldn’t sleep for worrying about the woman. I tossed and turned as questions tumbled through my mind. What happened in her life that led to such a horrible, sad existence? Where did she come from and where was she now? How could people just walk past her in such a state? Were we that heartless a species? WTF?! Obsessing, I cried for my sister, lamenting at the callous condition of humanity and feeling ashamed to live in a world where such things were reality. That’s when something told me to pray for her.

“Pray?” I angrily rejected the idea, “but she’s already been hurt and is probably being hurt at this very moment! What good will prayer do her now?!” And from somewhere inside, an answer came:

“Don’t just say hopeful, useless words but commune with her, right now. For beneath all of that hurt and sorrow there is a being who still shares the same unified consciousness with you, as does every being in Creation. Call upon and speak to that in your sister; speak to the truth that abides in her heart…she will hear you.” Taken aback by the idea, I realized that it was true. I didn’t need anything other than an open and willing heart to accomplish this; there was no time delay nor any need for physical proximity to the woman, since every heart carries the same truth within, and in Truth, time and space are irrelevant.

I got up from bed and wiped my tears and was moved to pull my white sheet off the bed and drape it over my head and body. I sat cross-legged in the dark and lit a white tea-candle. Then, closing my eyes I summoned a vision of her. Imagining her sitting across from me and also draped in all white, the candle light glowed upon her face. I envisioned her healthy, strong, clear and at peace, and in this realm of the heart, I spoke to her. “You are a sacred, holy, divine being,” I reassured her. “This – the way I see you now – is the way God knows you to be, despite any beliefs to the contrary that you or anyone else might hold. Sister, I witness to your holiness on your behalf until you can do it for yourself. I hold open this space of truth for you until you can do it for yourself. This is how I will to remember you until you can remember for yourself.”

We sat together in complete silence until I could feel that she had received the love I was extending to her. How did I know? I saw the tears and a smile lighting up her glowing face. And when I finally opened my eyes, I found my own face to be wet with tears and wearing a smile as well. I don’t know how long I sat with her in that realm, in that way, but the tea-light candle had already extinguished itself.

I’ll never forget that woman and I’ll always carry and remember her as healed, whole and at peace, just as I promised I would. And for some reason, I just know that we’ll meet again and that when we do, it will be that glowing sister that I met in the realm of the Heart that I will recognize.

Peace & Blessings,
ReV